Questions every Family Caregiver Should Ask Themselves
Last week, you were living your life as usual and suddenly, a health crisis occurred for a loved one and you have been thrust into to a new role. The family caregiver. What does this mean? Are you ready to take this on? Am I capable? Why me? These are all valid and real questions that we have all had when faced with the role of caregiver.
As a caregiver advocate, I have learned through personal experience and the wisdom of others some tips on how to make the transition. But before you take on this role, I advise that you ask yourself some basic questions. As I share the top 5 questions to ask yourself and some tips, reflect on your answers and feel free to reach out in the comments below or contact me for additional support.
Do you have any additional support, such as a supportive spouse or partner, a sibling, a family member, or a friend? Are they a positive or negative support?
Being a caregiver can be a 24/7 responsibility and should not be handled by only one person. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, this role can become overwhelming if you attempt to do it all alone.
Have a meeting with all that have offered support. Share that although you are the primary caregiver, you will need help. This is the time to coordinate additional duties that they can assist with, doctor appointments, scheduled day out for caregiver, and a weekly social event for the stroke survivor.
Prior to discharge, the hospital’s Case Manager or Social Worker can provide local resources for support as well.
How do you plan to make time for yourself while caregiving?
Stress can manifest in many ways and how we handle stress varies. Some have healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, meditation, or journaling, but others can be harmful such as overeating, abuse of alcohol or drugs, or isolation from others. It is critical to your well-being to acknowledge your stress and be open to positive stress management techniques.
A sign of feeling positive mentally is self-care. As caregivers, days and nights revolve around our loved one. Before you know it, your normal self-care routine is a thing of the past. I remember waking one morning and thinking, “When did I get so gray? Why is my hair such a mess? And my feet and toes are embarrassing.” These may seem minor, but when we look the best, we also feel our best. Taking care of you is not a selfish act and does not take away from your loved one’s care.
Part of what Rick lost was his ability to focus on others and me. It was emotionally painful that he was unable to identify or know what to do when I was struggling. This has been very difficult, and I would let myself go because I figured, “who cares?” But I learned I needed to care about and love myself.
Monthly Self- Care Checklist
Hair appointment for cut, color, or new style.
Manicure/Pedicure appointment.
Schedule lunch or dinner with a friend Plan a walk or exercise two to three times a week.
Plan an “out of the house” activity, i.e., museum, shopping, or a class of some kind.
Volunteer in your community. When helping others, the reward is that you are also helping you.
Laugh. If feeling down, call the person who always makes you happy and giggle.
Say “NO” to any requests that do not feed your spirit or promote self-care.
Reconnect with friends and family. Reach out every other day to one person.
Rest when you are tired–no excuses!
Where do you need to draw the line and say, “I can do this much and no more”?
Initially, you will try and do it all at the expense of your own well-being. We all have been in your shoes, and we are here to help. Assess what you can provide and what you want to do.
Make a list of what is needed, and the time involved. Take a day in the life of a caregiver and just write down a typical day for you. You will be amazed at all that is needed daily.
Next. Make a list of what you did just for you. A shower, eating, or a walk. Again, it is an eye-opening exercise.
Lastly, what can be delegated to another or is it a task that is needed daily or at all. I tended to over care for my spouse initially. Share this list with your support group and delegate!!!!
How do you plan to continue maintaining and improving your own physical and mental health?
Busy with the care of your loved one, it’s easy to forget that your health matters just as much now, if not more. Work with your healthcare provider to determine the best course of action to improve and then maintain your health.
Prevention and early detection of health issues will allow for the caregiver to make simple changes to lifestyle, start a new medication or have a procedure that can improve your quality of life.
Do you have children at home?
Depending on the ages of the children, this can either be helpful or not. Older children can be a great assistance, but they still need you as a parent. Assess where they are at, how they feel, and ask them their opinion on family caregiving.
I highly recommend that if you have children in the home, visit a family counselor prior to discharge and even during care giving to allow the family a safe place to discuss this new family dynamic.
Family caregiving can be a challenge but is also very rewarding and such an opportunity for growth for the caregiver and the stroke survivor. You will have moments of frustration but also tenderness, laughter, and love that you will never regret or forget.
For more information on what worked for us, check out “Stroke and the Spouse” available on Amazon or follow the code below to purchase.
Stroke Caregiver Connection…Because you care!