Doing it all for the Stroke Survivor is Exhausting

We just returned from visiting family over the holidays and although we had a great time and Rick did well, the reality is that as the spouse and caregiver, we need to do so much more than pre stroke.  The planning, the packing, the lugging of bags, making sure activities are safe, allowing for down time, and looking the other way or being open to their attempts to recapture what they used to be able to do.

One of the caregivers that I recently spoke with shared “Some days, I feel like all I do is FETCH, CARRY, and DO.”   I believe that is a normal emotion and it is not wrong to feel that way.  The key is how do we handle the stress and change without becoming bitter or angry or start to blame ourselves or our loved ones for what has occurred.

During this last trip, I had an “AHA” moment.  Prior to leaving for the airport, I had asked Rick to be responsible for his carryon bag, I had enough to think about.  As we pulled up to the airport, we realized that he had left it on the kitchen table.  My first instinct was to blame me for not taking care of this, but I stopped.  It was not my fault, and the world did not stop spinning due to this.  Was it an inconvenience – yes- but overall was easily resolved.  My son brought the bag on his flight.

What did I learn…

·         Life does not stop if things don’t go as planned – there is always a Plan B in life

·         If the stroke survivor is never expected to take care of themselves – they won’t

·         The caregiver deserves a life and a break from responsibility

·         If material things are left behind, they can be purchased or shipped to wherever you are at.

Now, how do we take that “AHA” moment and incorporate it into our daily lives.  That is the million-dollar question. A few strategies that I have tried and seem to be helping me to let go of my need to do it all are…

·         Stop and think before I automatically “DO.”  Is this something that “I” need to do?  Is this something that the “SS” can do for themselves? 

·         Perfection is not attainable nor is it healthy.  What is really needed to be DONE to keep the SS safe, happy and cared for.

·         Let go of what “use to be” Those days are gone and look at what you are dealing with.

·         It is ok to just not do it all, reassess needs or ask others for help.

For more information on what worked for us, check out “Stroke and the Spouse” available on Amazon or follow the code below to purchase.

Stroke Caregiver Connection…Because you care!