How can I balance caregiving responsibilities with my own personal and professional life?
From that moment that you called 911, the world as you knew it no longer existed. Your role changed from partner, family member, child, or friend to caregiver. Soon, you realized that while taking care of your loved one you had neglected your own physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Being a caregiver is exhausting, and unless you are caring for yourself, caring for another is extremely difficult.
The caregiver is the neglected/forgotten stepchild in our society when a loved one suffers a health crisis, and he/she needs information, support, and resources to heal from the event so that a fulfilling, joyful new normal can be established.
How can you balance it all? The care of the loved one, your life both personally and professionally and not feel stressed, angry, or overwhelmed in this new role?
Upon reviewing literature and information provided on the internet, AARP had provided some very good information.
Did you know?
The 2020 Caregiving in the US report from the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) and AARP found family caregiving rose from 18% to 21% from 2015 to 2020. Additionally, the average family caregiver provides about 23 hours of care per week.
Caregiving can seriously disrupt multiple areas of your life. And the impact can be particularly detrimental to employment if you are among the 60% of family caregivers working full-time. For example, AARP found:
· 53% of caregivers were late for work, left early, or took time off to provide care.
· 15% reduced their work hours.
· 14% took a leave of absence.
· 8% received reprimands for performance or attendance.
· 4% lost their workplace benefits.
Furthermore, caregivers often change their employment situation when balancing work and caregiving becomes too much. Unfortunately, this change often contributes to caregiver stress by exasperating financial burdens.
How can you balance Work and Caregiving?
Talk with your Human Resource Department and manager. Share your situation and your desire to be a productive employee. · Discuss possibilities to minimize work disruptions and develop a contingency plan in case of emergencies. Some options that could be available include job-sharing, leave of absence, remote work, or change in work hours. The key is to be open and share your situation, your employee is more likely to be able to help if they are aware of your needs early on.
Review your benefit package and get acquainted with your employer’s leave policies to learn if you can use personal, sick, or vacation days for caregiving. In addition, some companies have a program for donated leave where coworkers give you their unused time.
Research Employee Assistance Programs (EAP). This was extremely helpful for me. I was unaware of all the services provided free or at a minimal cost. As a spouse you can also be able to utilize your loved one’s employer for support. Typically, EAP provides; benefits, counseling, information, referrals, eldercare assessments, legal help, financial counseling and insurance support.
Some employers reimburse alternative caregiving services like adult day care if you have to work. In addition, more businesses are adopting employee programs like on-site support groups, concierge services, discounts, and health and wellness plans to help lower stress and make balancing work and caregiving somewhat easier.
Check to see if you are eligible for the Family and Medical Act Leave (FMLA). While I was attempting to determine my next steps, having this time away helped. I knew that my job was secure as I navigated this new role. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides qualified individuals working in public organizations, public and private schools, and companies with over 50 employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave annually and job protection. Caregivers serving in the military are allowed up to 26 weeks. In addition to the federal FMLA program, your state may have specific family and medical leave policies. This extra time can help you create a plan to make balancing work and caregiving easier.
Inquire about Paid Family Leave. I live in Missouri and did not qualify but if you live in one of these states, you could receive some level of paid or unpaid family leave in addition to that provided by the FMLA: California, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Oregon, New Hampshire and Washington, DC.
Sometimes, balancing work and caregiver is just a matter of rearranging your work schedule. And since the COVID-19 pandemic, some companies have implemented more flexible scheduling options. For instance, flexible hours would let your workday begin later so you can assist your loved one earlier in the day. Alternatively, another option could be a compressed schedule where you work four long shifts and get the fifth day off for caregiving. If you don’t have a set schedule, ask your employer to develop one with you so you can make arrangements more efficiently. For example, some caregivers elect to share jobs with a coworker or switch to part-time. Or, if your employer provides phased-in retirement, you could gradually reduce your hours.
As a caregiver, your free time is sparse; if you have a long job commute, your time is even more limited. Therefore, less time commuting to where you spend most of your days could be a practical idea for balancing work and caregiving. Consider a short-term rental close to your patient’s home if your situation allows. Alternatively, you could use the time during a long commute to try a productive activity that stimulates your mind and lowers stress, such as: Practicing mindfulness, listening to audiobooks, learning a language, or listening to a podcast. Lastly, if your employer operates across several locations, moving to one nearer to you or your loved ones’ home can shorten your commute, saving time and making balancing work and caregiving easier.
Don't Stretch Yourself Thin. Most caregivers are empaths who genuinely love helping others. But for many — including yourself — “no” may not be in your vocabulary. But as a caregiver, being honest with your schedule is an essential part of balancing work and caregiving. To that end, recognize how many hours you can work, and don’t be afraid to say no if someone requests more than that from you.
What worked for me…
Like you, I was spinning many plates of responsibility and soon they were starting to fall. Each morning, I would start the day fresh and ready to take on whatever came my way. By noon, I would be wanting to throw in the towel. The above information that I shared helped immensely but I also want to share what helped me personally.
I had to make a real and honest assessment of what was working and what was not. I also had to determine what was a temporary issue and what was long term. For us, the physical care was shorter (under a year) and I was able to utilize work resources to be able to handle. The long-term issues were more difficult.
I had to “let go” of being the perfect caregiver and be open to uncertainty of the role and the realization that no matter how well you plan, life doesn’t always cooperate.
I had to find outlets for me. I engaged in my spiritual community, joined a book club, and committed to improving my social outings. I didn’t need more outings but better-quality outings.
I shared my struggles with a trusted work friend and felt comfortable asking her help at work.
Finally, I made the decision to retire. This was extremely difficult as I was not ready for retirement, but I weighed the quality of life for my husband and I going further. If you can financially, I learned that this time together is time I would never get back. Surprisingly, the company I worked for continued without me, different but we are all replaceable at work but not always at home.
For more information on what worked for us, check out “Stroke and the Spouse” available on Amazon or follow the code below to purchase.
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Stroke Caregiver Connection…Because you care!