Care Partner Question How do I recapture love after the stroke?

Time passes and your loved one has been home and the two of you have started to adjust to your new routine and the limitations of the stroke.  So many aspects of your life have changed, as well as the person that came home from the hospital.

As the care partner, you are always alert to their needs and safety.  At this point, I remember thinking, am I still a wife or simply the person providing care.  With the stroke, so many changes, especially intimacy.  This is an area that is never discussed with the couple, and I felt foolish discussing it since I felt I should just be content that he was alive.

So, let’s discuss…

Post stroke, the stroke survivor can experience personality changes. Stroke impacts the brain, and the brain controls our behavior and emotions. You or your loved one may experience feelings of irritability, forgetfulness, carelessness, or confusion. Feelings of anger, anxiety or depression are also common.

An excellent site is…  https://www.stroke.org/en/about-stroke/effects-of-stroke/emotional-effects-of-stroke/personality-changes-post-stroke

As the Care Partner, you remember the person that you fell in love with and had defined your relationship.  Now, your world turns upside down and you start to feel guilty thinking “How can I fall in love with this NEW person, I loved the old one?” 

Like many of you, this happened to me.  Due to the stroke, physically, touch was difficult for my SS.  His right side was impacted and if I would hold his hand or touch that side of his body he would pull away.  Physically, he was focused on just being able to walk, so that last thought was having sex.  But intimacy, is not defined only by having sex, it is so much more and so much deeper.

What can cause problems with sex after stroke?

Emotional Changes – Depression, loss of independence, your SS no longer feels they have the same relationship with you (Caregiver versus spouse), or embarrassment over the physical changes.  Some people avoid sex because of a fear that it will cause another stroke.

Relationship Changes - Role’s change, communication difficulties, lack of confidence and self-image

Physical Change – muscle weakness, sensation changes (pain, numbness, or tingling), tiredness and fatigue, hormone imbalance, stroke location, other medical conditions (diabetes or heart disease), and medications.

Behavior Changes – A stroke can damage parts of the brain that link to emotions.  Some become angry or irritable, more sexual or lose inhibitions, or inappropriate behavior.

 What you and your loved one can do?

An excellent site is…  www.stroke.org › en › about-stroke Intimacy after stroke | American Stroke Association

Some quick tips…

Talk to your physician to determine the actual cause of the issue and potential solutions.

Talk about how you are feeling and your needs with your loved one.

How can you love this new person again and enjoy intimacy?

Intimacy is not just sexual but connecting deeply with another person.

Focus each day on the blessings in the relationship.  It could be a quick laugh together or a great day.

Share experiences such as listening to music, praying together, playing games or cook together.

Seek adventures or new experiences, such as visiting museums, local attractions or revisit places that you both enjoyed.

Indulge in each other’s favorite things.  My husband loves to read – read with them and then discuss the book.

Stroke and the Spouse Mission

To impact, guide and improve the lives of Care Partners and Caregivers through education, support and resources