Caregiver Burnout
Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that happens while you’re taking care of someone else. Stressed caregivers may experience fatigue, anxiety, and depression. You can reduce your risk of burnout by participating in respite care, joining a support group, or talking with a mental health professional.
Can you experience caregiver burnout even when you are caring for a spouse or your child? Absolutely, A study published in 2015 determined that women found caring for a spouse or child to be more stressful and more detrimental to mental health than caring for a parent or someone else.
What causes burnout?
For me, too many responsibilities. I now had to not only handle my role in life and work but had to take on his role and responsibilities. Sometimes, caregiving can feel like you’re juggling too many obligations at once. Many caregivers experience stress because they see their role as their sole responsibility, even if it’s too much for one person to realistically handle.
The Cleveland Clinic provides an excellent resource regarding Caregiver Burnout. Let me share some highlights and then what worked for me. For more details…
Burnout Signs and Symptoms…
· Exhaustion – emotional or physical
· Not participating in social activities with friends, family or loved ones.
· Feeling hopeless and helpless
· Not eating or eating too much – weight change
· Not sleeping or sleeping too much
· Unable to concentrate – feeling forgetful or distracted.
· Getting sick more often
· Irritability, frustration, or anger towards others. Especially over minor issues
How it felt…
When my husband came home from rehab, I felt that I had to watch every move to keep him safe. I didn’t want us to be a burden, so I did it all. If I heard him move at night or try to get up, I would jump to attention to help.
Since, as a nurse, he had his stroke on my watch. I was so worried that if I missed something that I could cause him additional harm. My days were filled with anxiety and fear.
What I felt was needed was not at all what he felt. I was the hovering spouse so at times would be frustrated that he would not accept, want, or appreciate the care I provided. He was in denial as to the severity and would constantly state “I’m fine” and avoid activity.
I was struggling as the caregiver but the guilt I carried was heavy. He had the stroke not me so spending time caring for me seemed selfish. At first, I was positive regarding my role but as the days dragged on it became harder and harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Because it is what it is. It feels as if a dark cloud is following you.
Lastly, I felt alone. Each day was the same until a crisis hit. I felt family and friends had moved on and I needed to deal with this alone. I didn’t want others to think I couldn’t handle or that he was a burden.
What worked for me…
The amount of stress and emotional weight that comes with being a caregiver can feel overwhelming. It helped me to reach out to my primary doctor and a counselor (many are online, so needed to leave the home to discuss what I was feeling. What I found was that I was not alone, this is not uncommon but we as caregivers are not taught prior to discharge that this will happen and what to do.
I needed to make time for myself. At first, I felt selfish, but that is NOT true, taking care of yourself while you’re taking care of someone else is not selfish at all. I had to let go and ask for support so I could make time for me.
He does not have taste after the stroke so I would nibble for food - Make sure you eat well-balanced meals throughout the day, that made a difference. and get enough sleep. Exercise can improve your mood and you can unwind at the end of each day by meditating or practicing yoga.
Lastly, ask for help. It isn’t easy to ask for help or to accept it. Sometimes, your support system doesn’t recognize the need unless you ask for it. You may need to practice saying “yes” when someone offers you help or no when more tasks fall on your plate. Oftentimes, others will be more than willing to help you pick up groceries if they’re out running errands or walking your dog after they get home from work or school.
Final thoughts - Caregiving is a marathon with good days and not so good days. It is not a sprint that only lasts a short time. Pace yourself
Stroke Caregiver Connection…Because you care!